Episode 92: Visiting with Becca Goldsberry of Indianapolis and her story, “Gritty Grace”

                                    SSPP ep. 92 BECCA GOLDSBERRY

Becca Goldsberry of That’s What She Said Indianapolis shares her story of childhood bullying and how it helped shape her on her journey to become a  professional business coach.

ANNOUNCER  00:00  Raising women's voices one story at a time. Welcome to The She Said Project Podcast.
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JENETTE JURCZYK  00:26  Welcome back to our friends and fans in She Said Land. This is Jenette Jurczyk, co host of The She Said Project Podcast, National Director of The She Said Project. Director of one, two or three or four That's What She Said Shows. I've kind of made this my life's mission. I can't lie.
 
KERRY ROSSOW  00:42  It's pretty great, and we're so grateful and happy that you did. This is Kerry Rossow, co founder, co host, co dependent, I don't know, but so happy to be here. This is so fun.
 
JENETTE  00:52  How about number one inspiration? Kerry has no idea that this little idea that she and her friends had so many years ago now to launch the storytelling event that was meant to be one night, 11 years later, has taken off in a dozen or more cities. I certainly stop regularly to pinch myself that this is the work I get to do. Because not only did you create something awesome, you welcomed me with open arms, and when it was time and it felt right. And I said, I think I can take this in all the directions you guys have dreamed of. Let's give it a shot. You were not only open to the idea, but you have been the wind beneath my wings like the whole time.
 
KERRY  01:32  Well, I would, I'd appreciate if you'd cross stitch that on some pillows because and spread it around. But honestly, like, welcomed you with open arms, was more like I was flailing and you caught me. Like, let me. Let me just take this off your hands so you don't fall and bust your rear end. That's exactly right. You have taken this to places that we only were like, Gosh, I wish we had more time. Or I wish we had this angel that never sleeps and can do amazing things and has 50 hours to our 24 hour day, and then all of a sudden, there you were.
 
JENETTE  01:58  You just described me.
 
KERRY  01:58  Yeah
 
JENETTE  01:58  I don't sleep, (Kerry laughing) but when you love what you do, you don't work a day in your life. You know what I mean? One of my absolute favorite things about That's What She Said is when I get to meet a woman and start talking through her story and hear her lived experience and I relate so personally and intimately to something that they've lived through that it shakes me to my core, and I'm of course, talking about our guest today, Becca Goldsberry, who was on stage in our very first cast of That's What She Said Indianapolis, and we definitely bonded and connected over some big moments in her story. So let's bring her on the line. Becca, are you with us?
 
BECCA GOLDSBERRY  02:41  I am.
 
JENETTE  02:42  Welcome, welcome. Welcome, my friend.
 
KERRY  02:44  Hi, Becca, fellow Hoosier, let's go.
 
BECCA  02:48  I know, right? No, I am so excited to be here with you guys.
 
KERRY 02:51  Well, it was a really special show for me, being from Indiana and having family members in the audience and having sorority sisters in the audience. It was just a big Indiana love fest, but you guys really killed it. It was great.
 
JENETTE  03:06  Becca, how did you get drawn into this whole thing? Remind us.
 
BECCA  03:08   That is a great question. So Katie (Vigil) and I met networking, and Katie and I had a wonderful coffee conversation. We were talking about what I did at work, and just kind of kept up, I am a part of Junior League here in Indianapolis and Katie is as well.
 
JENETTE  03:27  For our listeners, Katie (Vigil) is the That's What She Said Indianapolis producer.
 
BECCA  03:31  She is, and she's phenomenal. And so she's like, I need you to be a part of this. And I said, Tell me more and 100% Let's go. Let's do this.
 
JENETTE  03:40  You were hooked.
 
KERRY  03:41  Wow.
 
BECCA  03:41  I was. 100%. I loved the mission. Loved what you guys are doing. And I'm like, I have to be a part of this. There's, there's no question, I love being a part of things like this.
 
JENETTE  03:51  Well, every conversation I've had with you has been absolutely inspiring to me. So Becca is a professional coach you guys like. Her job is helping people, you know, figure out where they want to go and figure out how to get there. And so, of course, every conversation with her, I think I'm there to help her No, no, like she was there to open my eyes and teach me something new. And I loved it. I loved every minute with you.
 
BECCA  04:15  Same here, likewise, my friend, likewise.
 
JENETTE  04:18  So in just a minute, we're going to listen to your performance from that show. And I just want to share with our listeners, we all have memories from our childhood that, you know, there's something someone said to you and made you feel icky, sticky, gross at the time. And you know, I'm a 50 year old woman today, and there are comments that were said to me by kids who were being mean, or even teachers. You know that these words stick with you, and if we know anything at The She Said Project, it's the power of words. And so Becca, when you shared this series of moments from your childhood, I was right on board. Sympathizing with you. I have a similar story. I get it. I get it. I know there's gonna be women who are listening right now who are gonna get it. You know what I'm talking about, right?
 
BECCA  05:08  Absolutely, I do.
 
JENETTE  05:10  So let's share.
 
KERRY  05:10  Let's listen.
 
JENETTE  05:11  Let's share the love, because this is too good, and I don't want to give it away. So Becca shared a story of something happened when she was younger, and how it made her who she is today. And we can all learn from Becca Goldsberry, let me tell you. So enjoy her performance from That's What She Said Indianapolis in the fall of 2023 and this is her story, "Gritty Grace."  

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BECCA GOLDSBERRY  05:31  It's 1984. The year of Apple's first commercial. Ghostbusters, Gremlins, Neverending Story, Sixteen Candles. Madonna, Boy George, big hair and hair bands. I am in first grade. It's January and it's freezing cold. (I know I'm a baby.)
 
05:54  It's the first recess of the day, and I'm standing outside on the playground in front of the basketball goals with my friends. I am wearing a new winter coat. It's blue and pink with matching gloves I had just got for Christmas. I loved this coat, and I absolutely felt adorable wearing it. To be honest here, I felt like I was hot stuff.
 
06:21  Also outside during recess was a girl in third grade. She's blonde, blue eyed, tall, very thin. This blonde little girl comes up to me and starts yelling at the top of her lungs,"PUDDING POP!"
 
06:40  Looking at her confused, calling me pudding pop. Some kids started to laugh, and it hurt, and it hurt deeply. Yes, I was chunky and even overweight. This behavior of hers continued until she graduated from our grade school in 8th grade.
 
07:02  Every time she would see me down a hall, she would call and yell out pudding pop. I tell you this story because for a while I think it defined who I saw myself as when I was a little girl. I remember it holding me back from trying and doing new things. It destroyed my confidence. It made me want to prove to everybody that I was just like them, that I was good enough and I wasn't different or there was nothing wrong with me.
 
07:34  At times, my family caught grief because I was overweight. Why can't Becca lose weight? What are you feeding her? Is she not exercising? What are you doing? I felt guilty that my parents had to go through some of that. I felt ashamed of who I was, and today that still hurts. In grade school I did my very best to be a great volleyball player. I tried basketball my sixth grade year.
 
08:05  Okay, let me tell you, I am not a basketball player. I may have been the tallest girl in the school, but dribbling and running the same time -- not my forte. You can ask my siblings. In second grade, I started going to Weight Watchers with my mom in 1985 and we did that together until eighth grade, off and on.
 
08:25  I remember playing outside at home, running around until dark, riding my bike, hitting volleyballs against the house, and doing whatever I could to be a skinny girl. Because I was overweight, I had to develop grit. I had to show courage by developing elephant tough skin. I had to stop caring what other people thought of me, because otherwise I would have gone into some dark places in my mind. I had to do my dead level best in everything and to overcompensate just to make up for the fact that I was overweight, I felt like everybody judged me. Now, if that does not develop a strength of character and grit, I don't know what else would. I had to learn how to find joy and happiness through it all.
 
09:17  Because of all of that grit I developed, it served me well my seventh grade year. I had one of the most embarrassing events -- I can't believe I'm telling you all this that ever happened to me in my life. I was in English class and I started my period. I know, here we go. All right. I was wearing red sweatpants. Thank God. Or so I thought, or so I thought. And of course, I was sitting in the one chair without the built in basket underneath the seat that held our extra books. So now everybody could remember what chair was the 'tainted chair.'
 
09:58  Can we all agree that middle school sucks sometimes? Thank you. Yes.
 
10:06  Well, when I got out of that chair to go to the bathroom, I didn't look back at my seat. My focus was getting to the bathroom as quickly as I possibly could, but the boys sitting next to me, they looked at the chair. Guess what? Yep, there was a little blood. I did end up cleaning that chair, but dang it, those boys teased me all through middle school, and they weren't even in my class. They were in the year younger. Talk about embarrassing.
 
10:38  Okay, at the end of my eighth grade year, I had a very tough and unique decision to make: to go to high school at home and strengthen up my grit and my confidence, or I was given an opportunity to attend a co-ed Lutheran boarding high school eight hours away from home.
 
10:55  At first, no way was I going. But then I had an epiphany. It was seriously a eureka moment and a decision that threw my mom into a tailspin at first. We had to shop for everything in less than two weeks before school started. It was a quick decision. I never saw as running away, but a way of growing, being even more independent, like I needed help, and heck, yeah, a co-ed Christian campus eight hours away from home, living in a dorm at 14 years old. Let's do this! St Paul's. Here I come.
 
11:32  I had an amazing roommate while at St Paul's together, Jill and I grew up, learned how to communicate, learn how not to ruin our clothes in the wash, learn how to ask for forgiveness, how to laugh, how to give grace to others, and mentally, grow up much quicker than most high school students. Here I learned grace and how to forgive.
 
11:55  One day this summer, I was reading this devotional, and I read something about grace. So hang in here with me, y'all. I promise there's a point as I sound like a scholar
 
12:06  Okay, so Paul writes about grace in the New Testament, in Philippians, he uses the word joy sixteen times. The interesting thing is that Paul is writing this from jail. He's also been beaten, whipped, stone, nearly to death, shipwrecked, starved and persecuted. Well, if you look at it from that context, how in the world can he be writing about joy sixteen times and during all of this? It's astonishing.
 
12:35  The devotional mentions that, unlike happiness, joy isn't based on circumstances, Joy doesn't come from within you. Joy doesn't come from what you do. It doesn't come from finding yourself or accepting yourself or focusing on yourself. Joy doesn't come from what makes you happy, following your bliss or even living your best life.
 
12:55  Paul keeps talking about rejoicing in the Lord, and if you look at the Greek word rejoice, we translate it as chairō. The root found within that word is charis, which is the word we translate as grace. Grace means undeserved favor, kindness and a gift of God.
 
13:16  You guys, the root of joy is grace. (applause)
 
13:17  Yeah, man, that hit me in the face hard this summer, grace is what I learned at St Paul's. Because of that, I have been able to find joy every day, and learned how to give myself grace, even the days that are gray and gloomy. Just like Paul, I'm constantly learning about grace, how to soften the edge of some of my grittiness.
 
13:49  Now, I'm not saying that my childhood was horrible or anything, but I had a challenge that made me a little gritty. I was loved, and I was loved fiercely by my parents and family. With all of my life experiences about learning grit and grace, it's something that I love to call my gritty grace.
 
14:11  My definition of gritty grace and how I choose to live my life is to have courage when I'm faced with something scary, to be resolved in my beliefs and values, to have strength of character and know exactly who I am as a child of God, that I am enough that I don't have to be living out somebody else's plans for me or live out somebody else's dreams. Also, I know the importance of being kind and gracious and giving gratitude to everyone, even when it's hard to give forgiveness and be humble enough to know humility. I have learned that when life hands me lemons, I know how to make the most amazing lemonade.
 
14:49  As a business coach, I love teaching people how to make amazing lemonade as well. I love helping others overcome their limiting beliefs, helping them to hit goals. Go after dream jobs, create a vision in the life they love. Help them live into their passions. Create better relationships with their families and clients and coworkers. Help rebuild their confidence and live a life they love, plus help them to never, ever give up, develop grit and grace when they need it.
 
15:21  With my coach, I have worked on overcoming my limiting beliefs and created a belief statement that helps me own my gritty grace. And I say this out loud to myself every single day, and it goes like this:
 
15:37  I am enough. God has made me the way I need to be to accomplish his work through me. I don't want to feel like I didn't give it my all. I'm excited to serve the world, but most importantly, to feel present in the moment. Feel that I gave it my best, and then I'm here to serve others. I have done tough things that most people never, ever could. I'm living out gritty grace. I'm on fire, and I am amazing, just as God has made me.
 
15:42  Hell yeah!  

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JENETTE  15:51  That is a powerhouse move, right there -- to go from, you know, childhood trauma and you did it all on your own. You found your own path. You found your own meaning. You found your own daily affirmation, and you found this phrase 'gritty grace' that has given you focus and meaning and made you this awesome, inspiring woman that you are today.
 
BECCA  16:35  Thank you. I appreciate that.
 
JENETTE  16:36  How did it feel to listen to it once again?
 
BECCA 16:39  You know, and it's something funny that you say, that I actually listen to it quite often,
 
JENETTE  16:47  Really?
 
BECCA  16:48  Yes, because I have to remind myself where I came from, and the strength that grew out of that, and the person that it helped make me be right, not just, you know, with my faith and just knowing that I am enough. It's just one of those reminders that every few months, I'll get on YouTube and listen to it again and I'm like, Oh, I can accomplish all things today, if I can accomplish all those things and live through that. Okay, this is a piece of cake. I got this. Let's go!
 
KERRY 17:19  Well, it made me think of that phrase that has been going around a lot the past couple years: "I'm now living what I once prayed for." So whenever I'm like, wah, wah, me a little new blah, blah, blah, I think back to like, the days of when I thought, oh, please let this, you know, this vision of what you want your life to be like. And then it happens, and then I feel like, wait a minute, sis, check yourself you're living what you actually prayed for.
 
BECCA  17:43  Amen. I do that quite often because I got married late in life. I got married when I was almost 37 I was 36 I had Thad when I was 40. And you know, it's hard when, especially like when you're 20s and early 30s, and all your friends are married and they're all, you know, having babies and doing all this thing, I come back to that same phrase that you just mentioned, and I'm like, Oh, I've got what I dreamed and what I hoped for and what I prayed for. So I come back to that all the time too. Yeah, great reminders.
 
JENETTE  18:13  I love that phrase. That is blowing my mind right now, because, yeah, I look around my life often and choose gratitude every single time I am absolutely living the dreams that I created all these years. We can take a moment. We can have one moment of, you know, of guilty pity party. Here we go, because I remember vividly. You told me your story. You told me about the mean girl, and it took me literally right back to fourth grade. I'm on the school bus, and I'm not even gonna say his name, but here I am a 50 year old woman, and I remember his name, this kid in my fourth grade class, and he called me piglet on the bus. And I'm telling you that word has stuck. And you know, yes, I am very comfortable in my skin today. I know who I am, but in the last 30 years, have have I let my image of my body or or my weight stop me from doing things I wanted to do? Maybe not, maybe yes, yes, I have. And maybe I don't give him the credit, but I did it to myself. But words stick with you. They have power. And you know, I wonder where that girl is today, because
 
KERRY  19:18  I'm gonna need a name and an address...
 
JENETTE  19:20  Karma is a Carrie, karma is a Kerry, you know, like, like, there's a special place in
 
KERRY 19:30  But you also think of those kiddos. This is what I always think about, hopefully someone in their life, like their mom or their dad was like, whoa. Because you also think how horrible for that person to be 50 now, and hopefully remember that, and think I feel so terrible for an act of using my words to do harm instead. So fine. I'll have some grace for them too. Fine.
 
BECCA  19:52  You know, and I have to give grace for myself sometimes, because I know I'm not perfect, and I'm sure I have said something to somebody. Not thinking about consequences either so when I'm in church and praying, I'm like, Lord, just forgive me if I've ever said anything,
 
KERRY  20:07  I start almost every prayer with an apology, like when the kids were little and we had gotten to church in the unholiest of ways. The whole walk up to communion, I was like, so sorry about XYZ. I can't even get to Communion without an apology, like me again
 
JENETTE  20:21  But I just had a serious epiphany just listening to this last conversation. What if? What if being the recipient of the unkind words made all of us choose to be better people? What if, because of that, I made a conscious choice to be kind and to use my words for good? That's what I'm gonna choose to see it as.
 
KERRY 20:43  Oh, I believe that 100% I think everyone can remember harmful words, but I can also remember very powerful positive words, and consciously thinking in like fifth grade, that's what I wanna do. I wanna say nice things to other people. And I think that's 100% what you've done
 
BECCA  21:00  And I think that's probably maybe why I wanted to be a psychologist in eighth grade, and why I wanted to help people. Yes, I think more about it that was that pool when I was younger and in high school and college, getting my master's in social work, I just wanted to help others who lived through traumatic events, whatever they may have been. And now, as a coach, I get to keep doing that in different perspectives. I love that idea so much.
 
KERRY  21:26  So what was the feedback you got afterwards?
 
BECCA  21:28  Oh, my goodness, I had women come up to me afterwards, just, I don't even know who they were. They were just giving me hugs, and they were just saying, Thank you, because we related so much like we cried with you. We laughed with you. They're like it took us back, and we have to remind ourselves that we have to be able to forgive and to grow from those experiences. I had so many wonderful women just to this day, I'll have people who watch our YouTube channel, and they'll watch that, and they'll laugh at, like, Brandi's (Bruemmer) story, but then they'll say, yours. They're like, I think everybody resonates with what you said, because everybody goes through that.
 
JENETTE  22:08  Absolutely everyone's got a bully, right? Everyone's got a bully in their past.
 
BECCA  22:12  Right, absolutely.
 
JENETTE  22:13  it's a rite of passage. But what you did in your story is, you didn't take one moment for granted, like, we can all live through stuff, and it doesn't impact us. It doesn't change us. But you have to have a sense of awareness of self to learn from like you said, and you gave it a name. You gave it power. You said, you know, this part of my life gave me grit. Then I went into this part of my life where I learned grace, and you gave yourself this phrase, gritty grace as a reminder, you know, of where you've come and who you want to be, and that's what you get for being an awesome coach. But so many women and men and people go through this life and live experiences and just take them for granted. They don't stop and think and reflect and choose to frame them in a way that's going to empower them and benefit them going forward
 
BECCA 22:58  True. And that's something I try to teach Thad, you know, he's six, and so I'm trying, you know, he's at that stage where I'm trying to help, help him learn his emotions and how to handle things with grit and grace and confidence and compassion and empathy and humility and all of those things too. And I have to remind myself, Yes, we all go through these horrible, you know, situations, or we have, you know, bullies in our life, but you can't let that harden your heart either, because when that happens, we're not happy people. We always look for the negative when we do that.
 
KERRY 23:33  Well, and I'm so happy to hear as somebody in education like I think about this all the time, our kiddos don't learn to deal with adversity, if they don't ever experience adversity. So talking through those times and letting them when they're in safe, loving environments, learn how to handle feelings of frustration, disappointment, hurt feelings, this is exactly the time in their lives when they can talk through it with a parent, and a parent can say, Oh, I had this experience, or I remember. I know what that's like, but here's how you can have gritty grace.
 
BECCA  24:04  Absolutely
 
JENETTE  24:04  I'm thinking title of a book here, seeing it well, well, well, what?
 
BECCA 24:08  I am what I'm working, I am working on my keynote as we speak. Yay. I'll be speaking at the women Thrive conference. It's a global conference that the group women Thrive put on every year. So I was chosen to be a keynote speaker, and I'll be speaking at this global conference online.
 
JENETTE  24:09  That's great. Girl,
 
BECCA  24:21  Gritty Grace. And then what's next?
 
JENETTE  24:34  What's next?
 
BECCA  24:35  The book.
 
JENETTE  24:36  The book.
 
KERRY  24:37  Let's go!
 
BECCA  24:37  The book. I'm working through it with my coach and working on timelines and starting to piece together everything, and hopefully, within the next couple years, we'll have a Gritty Grace book out
 
JENETTE  24:47  That sounds perfect, and you let us know so we can, you know, keep sharing the love. I miss your cast so much. I mean, we had so much fun. You know, it was our first time in Indy. Nobody knew what we were doing, but man, did we have some good laughs together
 
BECCA  25:01  We did and that's why, you know, I think on our common thread that we were all texting each other a couple weeks ago, I'm like, we all need to get together, right? Because I loved each and every one of these amazing women. We all need to do dinner and drink. So I told Katie. I'm like, Hey girl, we got to get this done.
 
JENETTE 25:11   We got to get the band back together.
 
KERRY  25:17  Yes.
 
BECCA  25:18  We do.
 
JENETTE  25:18  I think that's why we started the podcast. And I think really just for us, it was completely self serving, because we miss these women. You know, one story is just not enough. It's a privilege and an honor to get to do the work that we do every time.
 
KERRY  25:31  Well, thank you for being part of it. Becca, so much.
 
BECCA 25:34  Absolutely. Thank you guys, and thank you for all that you guys do in every city that this is a part of I mean, women, we all just need to stick together.
 
JENETTE  25:43  100%. Stick together, raise each other up, share our stories. It's time, ladies,
 
KERRY 25:48  It is our time. It is our time. Let's go. Let's do this.
 
JENETTE  25:52  Becca, thank you for being you and for joining us today. We're going to be watching you because you are doing some cool things.
 
BECCA  25:58  Thank you, my friends. I appreciate it.
 
KERRY  26:00  Bye. Becca, thank you
 
JENETTE  26:02  and bye to our friends who joined us today. We're so grateful to all of you here on The She Said Project Podcast!
 
KERRY  26:08  Over and out.

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